to live long and grow spiteful in the pointless atlantic

by the pointless atlantic

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1.
we could watch the streetlights turn from the top of my street we can dress up every night and pretend that it's halloween and when we get bored of each other i'll dream that we're falling apart after it's all said and done i'll realize we were doomed from the start if i feel like shit, i'll say i feel like shit. if i feel like it, i'll call it quits. we could watch the streetlights turn from the top of my street we can bang on all my neighbors doors and pretend that we trick or treat i don't want to get bored of you. when you leave and i'm all alone i fantasize about our doom if i feel like shit, i'll say i feel like shit. if i feel like it, i'll call it quits.
2.
i've been asleep for a couple of days now and i'm just waking up. i can't remember if that sound has been here forever, but it came back stronger than ever like a thousand train crashes happening behind my eyes. your's; it felt like this forever but you never realized it until someone pointed it out. so.... is it really gonna be like this forever or will it be like this until everything fades out? can we pretend to be like this forever? are we all still broke? are we still living inside our homes? will we still sleep in the same beds we did when we were all sixteen years old? "until it falls apart" tell me honey was this your genius back up plan or did you just jump the first chance that you got? you think you're acting so coy and nobody's onto the things that are on your mind. the first time your caught is the end of your summer. the first time your caught is the end of it all. so... is it really gonna be like this forever or will it be like this until everything fades out? can we pretend to be like this forever or do you still feel lost in the grand scheme of it all? do you still feel like you're in the same place you were when you were only fifteen years old? "until it falls apart" it's like november never ended and we're still the people we used to be. you're still hanging around with those people you say that you don't like. i know this because you complain about them all the time. i wish i had your patience because who knows where i'd be now....... (a lucid dream occurs) (the alarm clock goes off at 5:00am, but you remain in the exact moments between you shutting your alarm off and you opening your eyes; a panic ensues)
3.
intro: setting the scene the only thing you left me with was a pair of broken wings and leg bones. you said i'd never be alone but here i am. i can feel your essence every night when the wind blows through my window and leaves me feeling cold. now i'm alone and now you're somewhere else. you're probably surrounded by people who love and you sure deserve to, but i wish that i could to. but i wouldn't know. no... i know.
4.
part one: motive (it all went like this. it was like a year ago? something like that. yeah.) yr so tired sleeping in all summer you must get those headaches all the time my head feels fine for once yr so bored staying in all summer i guess you've been that way all along .... but you weren't before... this entire absence on my part would've lasted forever and you would never know. walk into the woods alone. that cut inside of your mouth just might bleed forever, but you still wanted my tongue clogging it up. hey! walk into the woods alone. take 200 paces into the woods from your neighborhood make a right when you see the tree with the red marking on it keep walking straight until you see the river when you see the river, you'll see a yellow marking of a trail/path follow that all the way down and then you'll find me don't worry i'll be there forever. take those skinny hands of yours and put them in the ground dig until you can't dig anymore can't you see that this is all i have? take those skinny hands of yours and uproot the mighty oak part two: perspective of my/your situation i can't even remember that summer i guess it's all rosey glasses; haven't felt it in about eight years. sitting alone. it all just got a little too real for me. nothing but hash jesus and his minions. turkey day hasn't felt the same since. looking out frosted windows in my childhood home just kind of wrings me out? myself running back and forth up the street is just impersonal. if i killed myself everything would just be frosted flakes as usual but that's just not the way i wanted to go. personal pancake platters for the needy and sunsets for the ones that need it are all i want for my life. laying back and smoking someone else's cigarette to the ash is the only clear thought i have from 19. i'll find my camp crystal lake at one point but i'll probably be too drunk to remember. i'll do it all when i want to. alright? ok, good talk. fuck! none of this is as fun as it used to be. don't you remember when we were thirteen, when i first fell in love? now i don't feel anything at all. feels like everything i knew is slowly fading out. i just need to see clearly real quick. (a brief moment of clarity) part three: execution: i'll see you there i'm so tired, wasting my whole life on stupid shit that just leads to dead ends in my head i feel like it'll work out but it never does. i'm so bored waiting here in new jersey, waiting for you to change. soon i'll be gone and maybe onto better things? i couldn't tell you for sure. so you're going to walk another six miles into the woods you can count it on yr phone, alright? there's an app for it. i'll send you a link. but... ok... so.... if you see a swamp with a bunch of trees that are delapidated in it, you've gone too far just turn around and find the ribbon i tied to the tree. trust me, i know you'll make it. take those skinny hands of yours and put them in the ground dig until you can't dig anymore can't you see that this is all i have? take those skinny hands of yours and uproot the mighty oak part four: the climax/resolution. a cliffhanger. (you're gonna keep following that trail down we can make it to the new york border in a couple days ********* **** ** ** ****** *** ******** ******** ******** ******* ********* ******* ******** *** ******** ******* **** *** **** ** **** * ***** ***** ** ******* **** please believe me, i love you. alright, good luck.) now i'm alone.
5.
roll credits
6.
i've slept in my car for a couple of days now with no sense to where i'd be in the morning. all i've got are places i need to be tonight but i can't do a single thing with you. it feels like i've been pulling teeth to keep myself from falling asleep. it feels like every day is the same day but it's now slowly fading out to reveal that i've got no one to go to. it feels like i'm falling without a parachute. all of my friends now won't be my friends tomorrow so long as i don't fuck anything up. i've lost 18 pounds on this run. do you think that i'm beautiful now?
7.
could you please gift me emotion? could you please gift me emotion? could you please gift me emotion?
8.
when it breaks the film begins to gather on the floor til the projector shorts out this can go on forever playing films of me back when i was just a kid the moment came where the film began to break about the time that i “grew” up and thought i knew which what was what when everything that i knew turned to shit but it was not. take a pill when the time feels right; right now honey, i know that things are bad for you but they can get better. it’s what all my friends say it’s what i hear that fucking kills me. i guess that it’s always time to grow up. growing up and out. don’t stand me down now, i need this more than ever. can’t i please stay in this moment forever. i can feel our hands touch. i can feel something for once. can’t i please stay in this moment forever (my face behind my eyes and the face behind my hands are one in the same and the world can be good forever if they stay there.)

about

self destruction as an audio circus for hypocrites.

these are songs about whatever you want them to be. you can put these wherever. you can give this to whoever. you can do whatever you want to whenever you want to however you feel like because i know you could.

this isn't important and it doesn't have to be.
nothing does and nothing is.
sometimes you need to say many things, other times you don't have to say anything.

"come sail away
come sail away
come sail awaaaaaaaaaayyyyy with meeeEEeeeeeeeeeeEEEEe"
-styx

i hope you like them. thanks.

credits

released December 17, 2018

written and put together by mtty
recorded on an iphone over a long period of time

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the pointless atlantic New Jersey

a recording project from 2018 that nobody liked and nobody asked for

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